It's Time to Be Selfish
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm telling you to be selfish. Society often makes selfishness seem so bad. But let me explain. I'm the nurturer in my life—the mediator, the fixer. For many years, I put everyone else first. My intentions were good, but I didn't understand boundaries. I didn't know how to say "no" or express when I wasn't at capacity.
When I hit what felt like the lowest point in my life, a manager told me something that changed everything: I needed to be selfish. I was trying to be everything for everyone, to the point where I was left depleted and broken. He asked me to imagine what would happen if I gave more to myself. What if I took better care of myself? I would feel fuller, more energized, and still be able to give to others without depleting myself.
At first, it was hard. People didn't understand the new boundaries I was setting. I felt like I was abandoning them at times. But with practice, it started to feel good. I could finally breathe. I learned to be there for others when I genuinely could be. I'd love to say that's the end of the story and that I'm now amazing at setting boundaries and taking care of myself. But that's not true.
Life happens, and we tend to fall back into old ways. Learning and ingraining new habits is like training a muscle—if you don't keep at it, it becomes weak. Recently, life has changed so much. It's been both beautiful and hard. Despite everything I've learned over the years, I found myself in a relearning period.
On top of working full-time, trying to build a brand, supporting my parents, being a good friend, maintaining a social life, and being a good partner, I'm now also a bonus mom. That's a full-time job in itself. I've had so many "aha" moments. I remember the times I told others to make time for themselves, and assuring them that the people who needed them would figure it out themselves. So when I found myself crying in work meetings, feeling flustered when someone asked me something simple, feeling restless, losing my hair, experiencing flare-ups, extreme bloating, and more—I didn't recognize myself. I couldn't believe that I knew the right things to do, yet here I was. I didn't even know how I'd let myself get there again.
But I knew what I needed to do, and this time, I was determined to stay consistent. I had to be selfish. That doesn't mean dropping everything and neglecting everyone. It means pouring into yourself as much as you can. I know now more than ever how difficult that can be. I wasn't sure how I was going to do that while working full-time, helping get kids ready for school, cooking three meals a day, trying to exercise, having quality time with my partner, seeing friends and family, reading a new book, etc.
But I'm learning that being selfish—in the healthiest sense—is necessary. It allows me to show up as the best version of myself for those I love. It's not about neglecting others; it's about not neglecting myself.
So here's to embracing a little selfishness, setting boundaries, and pouring into ourselves—because we can't pour from an empty cup.
What are your "selfish" goals? I’d love to hear how you’re pouring into yourself. Share your goals with me on social media—tag me @nelita_v @shopwholistix and let's encourage each other to prioritize self-care! 🌿✨
